Another Birthday of The Most Beautiful Woman

It's November 28th again and another birthday of yours is coming. I know i'm not there right beside you, but you know my heart always belongs to you. This morning i woke up with such a grateful heart because my queen is now getting older hahaha. And i'm jealous of you because the older you get, the more beautiful you are, huhuhu. But what's so good about getting older ? It's about the time i get to know you even more. Another year passed and i'm glad to spend it with you. There is nothing else i can say but i'm so thankful to have you in my life. 

You know Mom, my friends always have the same expression when i tell them that we could talk on phone for hours, everyday ! Hahaha. They wonder what we can do for hours without seeing one each other but still have a great chit chat. It's actually not kind of important conversation, it's just me trying to keep you in line because i want to hear your voice so i ask many things but at the end of the time we will get bored and decide to end our chat. So lame, hahaha. But i always love telling you a bunch of new stories each day, your response is always fascinating. 

And it's not good that today i can't take a picture with the birthday-woman. You know you always have great style and expression when we took photos and taking pictures with you is always my favorite part. Here is an example :

Oh and here is another example :

And here is an expanded example haha :

I always love how the smell of your body lingers on me. I love to sleep under your armpit cause it's so warm and fragrant. I love our jokes, i love our same taste in food (rebusan, ikan asin, sambel terasi, cabe rawit, terong bakar), i love our cooking-time, i love all your recipes, i love all that you cook, i love the way you love Gromit and Chum, i love playing with your hair, i love hugging your neck the most. 

So i will just sum up these feelings : i love you Mom.

You are like a best friend to me. You are not only a mother but you are also a father. You know Mom, i used to see you as a dependent woman behind Dad when he was still with us,standing behind his back and his decisions. But now the viewpoint is definitely gone. I can testify that you are an independent woman, a strong yet a gentle woman. You climb up the mountains and you break through the walls. You teach me how to be strong when even the heart is broken cause it's not an excuse to stop. Thank you for moving forward, thank you for not staying in sorrows, thank you for choosing to stand up again, thank you for not giving up, thank you for running again on the track, yes, those decisions you took when your heart was broken into pieces. 

I know you have dreams for me and it's still a long way to go. I hope we will see these dreams fulfilled in years ahead, with you holding my hands and running together on the race. But to the first hope of all, i hope your dreams are His dreams so we know that we will soar on wings like eagles, we will run but never grow weary, we will walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:31).

*** Here's a song for my queen. I think of you when i listen to this song. And thanks to SO7 for this beautiful song :)

Melihat tawamu

Mendengar senandungmu

Terlihat jelas di mataku

Warna-warna indahmu

Menatap langkahmu

Meratapi kisah hidupmu

Terlihat jelas bahwa hatimu

Anugerah terindah yang pernah kumiliki

Sifatmu nan s'lalu

Redahkan ambisiku

Tepikan khilafku

Dari bunga yang layu

Saat kau disisiku

Kembali dunia ceria

Tegaskan bahwa kamu

Anugerah terindah yang pernah kumiliki

Belai lembut jarimu

Sejuk tatap wajahmu

Hangat peluk janjimu

Anugerah terindah yang pernah kumiliki

***

Happy birthday, my queen. I love you and i will always will.

And yes, we will go there, to your dream city someday, someday ! :)

Hey, Throw That Rubbish !

Selamat pagi semuaaaaaa ! Apa kabaaarr ?? So happy pagi ini Bintaro cerah dan sejuk, seperti hati ku hahaha. am happy too bisa cerita-cerita lagi di blog ini. Hope you enjoy it !

Sedikit cerita (memulai kisah ini) di semester 3 ini my college life is so hectic. Jadwal dimana-mana. Tugas menemani ku setiap harinya. Belajar menjadi habit ku :) wkwkwk. Frekuensi telponan sama mama pun jadi dikurangi-kurangi. Banyak teman-teman yang mengaku baru merasa kuliah di tingkat 2 ini (lah terus kemarin ngapain?) Presentasi, kuis, tugas, dan baca, baca, baca !! Ya begitulah, jadi pagi ini saya sedikit luang makanya bisa menulis di blog.Terus apa hubungannya sama throw that rubbish? Mari kita mulai hahaha

Pagi ini seperti biasa saya membersihkan kamar, sebelumnya ya saya cuci-cuci baju dulu, menunaikan kewajiban yang belum terlaksana krn banyak tugas. Selesai cuci-cuci baju saya mulai beres-beres kamar. Beres-beres segalanya. Eh tapi ternyata ga sadar selama ini ada yang saya lewatkan. Waktu beresin meja belajar, saya bukalah laci tempat alat-alat tulis. Banyak banget perkakas di dalamnya. Kalkulator, dasi, pop-up notes, payung, dan banyak banget kertas. Saya lanjut beres2 dan tiba ketika pegang tas yang saya pakai kemarin, saya lihat ada kertas-kertas yang telah tak terpakai dan sebagian emang menurut saya ga terlalu penting jadi saya buang ke lantai biar dikumpul dengan sampah-sampah lain. Suddenly Bapa nanya, "Kalo yang itu dibuang, yang di laci kenapa ga dibuang?" Jengjengjeng, saya pun bingung mau jawab apa. Kertas-kertas di laci itu adalah kumpulan struk belanja dan ATM yang sudah saya simpan sejak awal tinggal di Bintaro. Sudah saya susun rapi, saya satukan untuk struk belanja, struk makan-makan lucu, struk ATM, dan tiket bioskop. Saya pun cuma bilang "Gapapa, buat bahan perbandingan harga aja kok Bapa".
"Ohya? Coba di cek lagi motivasinya menyimpan itu apa".
Diam, bingung harus kata apa. "Ya buat bahan perbandingan harga,dan biar tau udah belanja apa aja selama ini".
"Yakin?"
"Ehmm ia."
"Buang 'sampah-sampah' itu."
"Yah kan udah disusun sejak lama, udah rapi pula Bapa."
"Berguna ga ? Kalo ga ya buang."

Saya pun terpaku di depan laci itu, yang nyuruh ini Bapa loh, ya taat aja. Meskipun dalam hati sedih, krn sudah lama hidup bersama struk-struk ini hahaha. Saya mulai jatuhkan ke lantai satu per satu rangkaian struk yang sudah saya simpan selama ini. Pas mau buang tiket bioskop sempet-sempetnya pula nanya, "Yang tiket bioskop di buang juga kah ?"
"Ya iya lah, emang buat apa?"
"Biar inget udh pernah nonton film apa aja (so lame me)."
"Emang ga mampu nginget epa udah nonton film apa aja ?"
Yaudah akhirnya saya buang semua.

Setelah selesai beres-beres saya duduk di depan notebook saya. And He said "I dont want you to save rubbish. Sepertinya bukan sampah, tapi ya itu sampah, ga berguna buatmu. Ada space yang bisa diisi dengan hal-hal yang lebih penting. Kasih ruang untuk hal-hal penting buat laci itu. Jangan biarkan kebiasaan membuat space itu penuh dengan hal-hal ga berguna."

Okelah, saya pun menangis. Memang Dia sering sekali menegur dengan cara-cara seperti ini. Dia pun lebih memperjelas lagi "Sama dengan hidupmu, hal-hal yang ga berguna ya dibuang pa. Ngapain disimpen kalo ga berguna? Memenuhi space yang harusnya bisa diisi dengan kebenaran.Jangan sayang dengan yang namanya tradisi. Hidupilah kebenaran."

Kemarin malam saya sedang berpikir keras mengapa satu lingkungan di sekitar saya tampaknya hidup mempertahankan tradisi, apa yang benar di mata manusia bukan 'kebenaran' yang sesungguhnya, dan pagi ini saya diingatkan ternyata saya pun masih melakukan kebiasaan-kebiasaan yang ga berguna tersebut. Seperti kata salah satu dosen di tingkat 2, "Kita seringkali membenarkan yang biasa  bukan membiasakan yang benar. "

For everyone of you reading this post, i hope you dont keep that rubbish in your life. Rubbish semacam apa ? Sakit hati, marah, dendam, iri hati dan hal-hal lain yang sebenarnya ga berguna buat hidupmu. I know sometimes kita nyaman membiarkan sampah-sampah itu dalam hidup. Entah karena malas membuang atau emang nyaman menyimpannya karena ya sudah lama. Nyaman ketika membenci orang lain, karena ya emang dia salah dsb. Tapi yang namanya sampah harus dibuang, bau, man dan menuh-menuhin aja. It won't make you grow, it obstructs you to go further.

Jadi bapak ibu saudara sekalian, segera beres-beres dan jangan biarkan satu sampah pun tinggal.Bersih pangkal sehat lohhhhh :D

Sekian. Have a blessed day  !

Casting Crowns - Who am i ?

Good night, people !
This post below is a song from Casting Crowns (thanks for Casting Crowns for this beautiful song). Hope this song will bless you as its blessed me. And remember as always that He is faithful, so have no fear :)

Who am i, that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt ?

Who am i, that the Bright and Morning Star would choose to light the way for my ever wandering heart?
Not because of who im but because of what You've done

Not because of what ive done but because of who You are

im a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when im calling

Lord, You catch me when im falling and You've told me who im
im Yours, im Yours

Who am i, that the eyes that see my sin would look on me with love and watch me rise again?

Who am i, that the voice that calmed the sea would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me?

Not because of who im but because of what You've done

Not because of what ive done but because of who You are

im a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when im calling

Lord, You catch me when im falling and You've told me who im

im Yours, im Yours

Driven

When troubles come i trust in You
For i know You will lead me through
And i know You are faithful till the end
And when the storms are drawing near
When i am with You i don't have to fear
You are my shepherd on whom i can depend
Through the days, through the nights
I know You're always by my side
Lord You are always here with me
There is no changing God in Thee
You are the same yesterday, today, and forevermore
Here on Your promises i stand
You hold my future in Your hands
My solid rock, Almighty God
I worship You


I will sit quietly right behind This Man that drives me. Neither knowing the directions nor holding a map. Yet i will be still, cause i know who drives me, Him.

Does He hear prayer ?

I heard 'em say He brought me from a mighty long way

And now today I can testify that I believe it

And on my way I realized He's the one who kept me

When the storms of life arise, sleepless nights and desperate cries, He has captured every tear, assuring me He hears

Every prayer, waiting on the answer, only to discover He is near

And He hears every prayer for He has done great things

And I believe He's a God that always answers prayer

I heard 'em say the prayers of the righteous availeth much

And now today I can testify that I believe it

Now on my way I wanna let you know that He will keep you

When the storms of life arise, sleepless nights and desperate cries, He's captured every tear, assuring me that He hears

So don't despise the tears you've cried or the prayers that you have prayed

Heaven heard your every word and the answer, the answer's on the way – Israel Houghton, Every Prayer

I’ve been walking this far and realized that God always answers prayers. It can be yes or no. Many people say God doesn’t answer their prayers when God doesn’t grant them what they asked. But I believe it’s just another way of God telling them “No, I’ve something better for you” or “No, I want you to wait a little bit longer for that”.  But sometimes we become impatient just because it doesn’t come right at the moment we pray. We suddenly become doubtful and start to ask ourselves “Does He hear me?” and when the thing get worse we start to blame God because He doesn’t give us what we want. 

But that’s just the way it is. God’s answer is either yes or no. But about the time, there’s nobody really knows because it’s up to Him whenever He wants to answer you. But in every moment of my life, I can grant testify that God’s answer comes in a perfect moment. It’s never too late or too fast, it’s just perfect. 

Let me tell you a story about Lazarus. He was a brother of Mary and Martha. Mary was that one who anointed the Lord with ointment, and wiped His feet with her hair. Lazarus was sick at that time and thus they sent a news telling Jesus that their brother was sick. But what Jesus said was surprising. I believe at that time those people there felt like Jesus didn’t care because He said  “This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby” and Jesus abode two days still in the same place where He was. You see, Jesus didn’t immediately come to Lazarus because He had something greater than that. 

Then Jesus decided to go back to Judaea. When Jesus arrived, He found that Lazarus had been died and lain in the grave four days already. Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met him and said, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother wouldn’t have died”. Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw Him, she fell down at His feet, saying unto Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have been died”.

When Jesus saw Mary and people there crying, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. Even Jesus cried, He felt so hard to see tears came from those who believed in Him. Then Jesus went to the grave and said “Take away the stone!” but Martha said, “Lord, by this time he stinketh for he had been dead four days”. But Jesus said “Said I not unto you, that if you believe, you will see the Glory of God?” and they took away the stone. 

And Jesus lifted up His eyes, and said “Father, I thank You that You had heard Me. And I knew that You hear me always but because of the people which stand by, I said it, that they may believe that You had sent Me”.  And when He thus had spoken, He cried with a loud voice “Lazarus, come forth!”. Lazarus that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with graveclothes and his face was bound about with a napkin.

That’s the way it is. Sometime He doesn’t say yes to your prayer all because He wants to give the best to you. He would rather say no to your prayer because He wants you to believe Him and let Him do the things, those wonderful things. He wants you to die with all of your dreams so that He can take a full control to work and let you know that He is able and He loves you.
Sometime He wants to take you to the lowest point of your life to let you know that He cares too much for you. Even He cries with you whenever you feel sad. Just like when He cried when He saw Mary was crying because of Lazarus.

I want to let you know, that the answer is on the way to come. Just believe in God, because your doubt prevents Him to do all for you. He wants you to believe Him, not sometimes, not a day, not a week, but in everytime in your life, He wants you to believe in Him.

He sometime lets your dreams die within your pride. He sometime let you cry and hurt. But believe me, it’s all because He wants you to rise as a victor, to wipe the tears and heal the wounds and tells you that He loves you. A father sometime rebukes and chastens his child, but it’s all because he loves him and so does Jesus loves you.

HIM

Selamat malam semua. Hahahah. Lama ga nulis di blog ini kangen juga rasanya. Tadi sepulang kuliah Hukum Perdata dan Bisnis saya jadi pengen nulis lagi.
There're lot of things happen to me selama ga nulis di blog. About my life, my campus , dan yang paling penting tentang Dia.


Saya adalah seorang mahasiswa di Sekolah Tinggi Akuntansi Negara spesialisasi Akuntansi angkatan 2013. Ga pernah kebayang masuk di kampus yang serba struktural ini. Kampus yang akhirnya dipakaiNya untuk ajarin saya bagaimana tunduk, taat, dan berdisiplin.

Dulu,sebelum Bapak saya jatuh tanggal 13 Desember 2011 dan pulang ke Bapa nya yang sesungguhnya, tiba2 beliau bilang sama mama, "Bilangin sama pudan (saya) suruh masuk STAN ya". Setiap kali saya ingat itu rasanya sedih dan terharu. Gimana mungkin Bapak yg dari dulu tahu saya ngebet banget sama UI tiba2 bilang gitu, dan STAN pun udah ga buka 2 tahun. But see... Tahap2 USM yang berat itu bisa saya lalui sampai akhirnya saya ada disini. Saya terkagum dengan caraNya menuntun saya ke tempat ini.

Kehidupan kuliah pun dimulai. Semester 1 sudah berlalu. Dulu nya waktu awal2 masuk sini, saya selalu pesimis, Akuntansi kok susah amat ya... Kaya nya enak banget kalo udah selesai UAS. Temen2 yang lain mengalami hal yang sama ga ya ? Bersyukur bisa dilewati karena Dia perlengkapi di setiap elemen hidup saya...............


Saya pengen share ke teman2 tentang suatu turning point dalam hidup saya, momen yang bikin mata saya melek dan sejak itu segalanya berubah...

Pagi itu, 24 Februari 2014, selesai saya saat teduh, saya berdiam diri dan nanya Dia, " Kok saya merasa jauh samaMu, saya ngerasa datar, saya tahu ada yang salah, tolong saya untuk mengerti ini"....  Setelah itu saya bersiap2 utk berangkat ke GBI House of Shalom dan mengikuti ibadah....

"I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back "..... Lagu itu akan selalu saya ingat karena hari itu saya benar2 memahami apa arti lagu itu. Pembicara hari itu ,saya yakin dipakaiNya untuk jelasin sama saya apa yang bikin saya merasa jauh dengan Dia. Saat itu seperti ada pisau yang baru diasah, begitu tajam tiba2 menusuk hati saya ketika beliau bilang, " Kau yang mungkin ibadah selama ini, tapi ga ngerasain apa2, kau yang merasa kau ga kenal dengan Bapamu, tapi pengen kenal Dia, ayo perbaiki hubunganmu dengan Bapamu ! Dia Bapamu, Ayahmu yang peduli banget samamu. Gimana antara kau dan ayahmu, pasti deket, kalau kau ada sesuatu yang mengganjal, sampaikan saat ini, karena Dia setia "...... Saya menangis tersedu - sedu, terisak - isak, speechless..... Dia jawab permintaan saya utk bikin saya ngerti ! Dia bener2 kasih tahu saya apa yang saya tanyain sama Dia pagi itu ! Dia dengerin saya ternyata !

Saat itu mungkin Amazing Grace menjadi backsound moment kembalinya saya kepada Ayah saya yang udah lama saya jauhi. " I once was lost, but now I am found, was blind but now I see"....

Suatu pagi lagi nih tanggal 4 April, selesai doa, saya berasa ada yang lupa saya sampaikan sama Dia. saya coba2 inget lagi, nah ! Akhirnya inget juga, lupa minta sesuatu ternyata... Saya tutup mata saya , dan saya utarakan, " Father, I haven't got my menstrual period since March. Ga nyaman rasanya. I want to get my period, Father".... dan saya pun kembali beraktivitas. Habis beres2 kamar, saya duduk liatin notebook sambil browsing2, Setelah kira - kira 2 jam selesai saya doa tadi,ada panggilan utk cek ke KM, saya pun ke kamar mandi utk nge cek.....He left me speechless..... I got my period on that day ! Saya balik ke kamar, bilang makasih. Those little things He did to make me believe that He's watching over me... To let me know that I am truly loved by Him....

Banyak yang pengen saya sampaikan, tapi sepertinya posting ini ga akan cukup membahas betapa Dia bener2 sayang banget sama kita. Saya percaya Dia juga mengasihi teman2 sekalian. Dia juga perhatiin teman2, Dia bahkan tersenyum setiap kali kalian happy, dan berempati saat teman2 sedang sedih. Lewat tulisan saya ini saya pengen share ke teman2 bahwa God doesn't close His eyes for us, doesn't ignore our prayers, dan di setiap permohonan kita Dia pilah - pilah mana yang baik dan ga buat kita. Dia bekerja utk kebaikan kita, selalu utk kebaikan kita.

Saya bisa bersyukur saat ini Dia panggil Bapak ketika saya masih cemen dan butuh figur ayah. Dia pengen bilang " Put your trust in ME, I AM your true Father. I will never ever leave you", dan saya bisa saksikan bahwa Dia emang ga sekalipun ninggalin saya. Saya bisa bersyukur saya harus mengalami 3 kali kegagalan untuk masuk Universitas Indonesia karena Dia pengen bilang " I have something bigger for you. If you fail, that doesnt mean I dont care. I want to give something which is not only good or better, but I want to give the best part for you".. Dan saya bisa bilang saat ini, Thanks, Dad ! Kau kasih STAN buatku. Saya bisa bersyukur di tengah masalah dan "gunung" orang lain yang sepertinya ringan sekali utk didaki,saya diajar utk tetep fokus sama "gunung" yang Dia tetapkan utk saya daki, karena Dia pengen bilang, " On the top of the mountain, both you and I will be joyful, Let's climb the mountain together, I want to show you how much I love you and I will keep holding your hands. Dont be afraid , I am here.".. Saya bisa bersyukur karena setiap kali saya mengadu sama Dia ini dan itu He always says, " I am on your side, why so worry ?"... Dan yang terpenting, setiap kali saya bilang sama Dia bisa ga ya Dad aku mencapainya, Dia bilang " Do you believe in ME ? Do you believe that I will take you farther ? "... dan lagi2 saya dikuatkan untuk bilang, " Yes , I believe in YOU, take the control, Dad !"...

Sekian cerita saya . Menutup postingan malam ini saya pengen quote satu lagu yang describe well bagaimana Dia bener2 peduli sama temen2 dan saya. Good night !

Man of sorrows, Lamb of God, by His own betrayed
The sin of man and wrath of God has been on Jesus laid
Silent as He stood accused, beaten, mocked and scorned
Bowing to the Father's will, He took a crown of thorns
Oh that rugged cross my salvation, where Your love poured out over me
Now my soul cries out, Hallelujah
Praise and honour unto Thee
Sent of heaven God's own Son, to purchase and redeem
And reconcile the very ones, who nailed Him to that tree
Now my debt is paid, It is paid in full
By the precious blood, that my Jesus spilled
Now the curse of sin has no hold on me
Whom the Son sets free is free indeed